Don't Make These Divorce Mistakes! 7 Things NOT to Do When Navigating Divorce

Join us for our live event as we sit down with Founding Attorney, Lewis Landerholm, to discuss seven things NOT to do when navigating a dissolution of marriage.

If you would like to speak with one of our attorneys, please call our office at (503) 227-0200, or visit our website at https://www.pacificcascadelegal.com.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this communication is intended to provide legal advice nor does it constitute a client-attorney relationship, therefore you should not interpret the contents as such.

Transcript

Intro:
Welcome to Modern Family Matters, a podcast devoted to exploring family law topics that matter most to you. Covering a wide range of legal, personal, and family law matters, with expert analysis from skilled attorneys and professional guests, we hope that our podcast provides answers, clarity, and guidance towards a better tomorrow for you and your family. Here's your host, Steve Altishin.

Steve Altishin  0:31  
I'm Steve Altishin, Director of Client Partnerships at Pacific Cascade Legal, and I'm here with our Founding Attorney, Lewis Landerholm, to talk about things you should not do in a divorce case. Hey, Lewis, how you doing today?

Lewis Landerholm  0:45  
I'm doing good. How are you Steve?

Steve Altishin  0:47  
I'm doing well, it's good weather. It's a good time to talk about this subject. So yeah, we often tell our divorce clients what they should do, but what we're going to do is we're going to talk about a list of things that over the years we've seen that you should absolutely not do. And before I start to talk about it, I just wanted to let you know I showed a couple of judges, you know, this list, and they just shook their heads, and they all started to say, you know, I've seen them, and when they do them, it rarely goes well with the person who does it. So let's kind of start with that. And first thing that people should not do, or should they, intentionally quit work while the divorce is pending. 

Lewis Landerholm  1:36  
They should not do that. The reasons are, or the main reason is that, in any case, in a marriage case, or even in an unmarried parents case, when child support is in play, or spousal support is in play, or for, you know, any other reason, the definition of income for those cases, is potential income, not actual income. And so if you go and intentionally quit your job, then the other side is just going to say, well, they intentionally quit their job, they can make that much money. And we're going to use that amount as the as the number for support purposes anyway. So you're going to have that number be counted for your support calculation, and you're not going to have a job to pay it. So, yeah, it's one of the worst things that people can do. And just sets a case off where a judge is not going to, not going to like it, you know, you're going to throw, get the book thrown at you, and not to mention you're not making money. So, I mean, I tell people all the time, go make as much money as you can because you're getting, you know, the the longer half of the money as it is. And so it's always better to to have your own source of income, even if you're getting some support. You don't want to rely on that other person for support for as long as possible, because they may not have a job they might not be able to pay down the road. So it's always better to have your own job and making as much money as you can.

Steve Altishin  3:08  
Yep, yep. And that goes for both sides, like you said, yeah. So here's another one that people do, move all of your belongings out of the house while your spouse is at work.

Lewis Landerholm  3:20  
Yeah. I mean, these are things that we talk about in consults a lot and beginning of cases, the things of don't do things that then sets a case off to be as contentious as it possibly can. That's a good way. Or moving your spouse's belongings out of the house into a storage unit or into a pod, or, you know, doing these things to, like, lock people out of their things. I mean, that's the best way to buy a really nasty, expensive case. You know, it's way better to talk about it, negotiate it. You know, if you have to get attorneys involved to deal with it appropriately, it's going to be less costly in the long run, and it's gonna, you know, set things up to succeed. So we're trying not to piss the other side off so that they don't then want to come back at exact revenge somewhere. So, you know, the more reasonable everybody could be, the more cost effective, and the easier their case will be.

Steve Altishin  4:24  
Here's one that especially raises the hackles on a couple of judges, and it was hack into your spouse's email or put a tracking device on their car. 

Lewis Landerholm  4:37  
There are other problems, right? There's other potential criminal problems with that sort of thing, so that's a good reason not to do that. But just in general, yeah, don't stalk people. That's good advice for all people across all areas of of life. And in a case, it doesn't help doing when you know when you do things like that or you. Install, find my phone on the other person's and, you know, I mean, all of that just tells a judge, kind of what they're working with, and it's not good for your case.

Steve Altishin  5:11  
Yeah. I mean, so far, all these things seem to be bad in that it makes it more contentious because it ticks off the other side. It makes it harder to win if you have to go to court, because it ticks off the judge, and it makes it harder for your own attorney to try to clean up the mess.

Lewis Landerholm  5:28  
Yeah, because then all we're doing is damage control at the beginning, until we can get to a place to get things to calm down. 

Steve Altishin  5:35  
Yeah. There's another one that, again, I was talking to a judge, and she sort of suggested this one to talk about, it's get extremely drunk and then fill in the blank.

Lewis Landerholm  5:53  
I mean, anything that comes after that is going to go poorly in the middle of a case, whether it's texting or calling or showing up, or, I mean, driving, or there's no good outcome when you start with the get extremely drunk part of things, yeah, especially in front of the kids, yeah, especially in front of the kids, there's lots more problems there. So, you know, I would say, if people are going to do that. Go do that on your own time in a place without technology, and just stay away from people and don't try. 

Steve Altishin  6:29  
I love it. You know, it's never good when you have to hire two different attorneys at one time. 

Lewis Landerholm  6:34  
Oh yeah. Not only is it expensive, but there's a lot going on that people's world to get turned upside down real fast. 

Steve Altishin  6:43  
Yeah. Sort of similar, but not quite so crazy. But the other thing you shouldn't do is post about your divorce on social media.

Lewis Landerholm  6:54  
100% stay off of social media, other than just normal happy pictures of you, know you and the kids, or whatever you're doing, but evidence, in today's world, we use everything, everything for evidence, everything on social media, everything that's been put in writing is fair game, and you don't know what the other side's going to use to when you end up in court, and the best piece of advice is just to be as boring as possible during a divorce or during a court case, because you never know what you know, what a judge is going to care about or what the other side but specifically, don't go and start scorching the earth on your student To be x in social media or in text or an email like it's just, just mind your P's and Q's and you'll be better off in the long run.

Steve Altishin  7:49  
Yep, yep. This one's interesting, because I think this one, people, I don't know, maybe even stumbled into by accident, but don't financially support your spouse or children, you know, even if there's not an order to do so.

Lewis Landerholm  8:07  
So you said, don't stop financially supporting your spouse and children?

Steve Altishin  8:10  
Yeah, don't, yeah, don't stop financially supporting your spouse and children.

Lewis Landerholm  8:15  
Yeah, there's caveats to, like the how much and so, you know, in Oregon there's calculators for child support, but not for Spouse support. So really, you know that's an important one to work with your attorney on, like, how much is reasonable support? But yeah, if you end up well one when a case gets filed, we can get it backdated to that time. And so then you end up with arrears anyway. And so you look way better in front of the judge. If you've been continuing to support we can deal with everything in the case, but when people start cutting off the other spouse, it looks pretty nasty and it looks bad in front of the court. And judges are humans. They get to make subjective decisions at times, and our standard and family law is fair and equitable? Well, if you're not being fair, there's going to be a place for where a judge has to make a decision, and they're likely going to be more fair to the other side if you haven't been fair along the way. So the more equitable and fair people are, we get in front of judges, and then it's just solving the problem, and it's not going to backfire in the same way. 

Steve Altishin  9:24  
Yeah. So the last one on my list, and again, this one actually happens. Don't buy your girlfriend an engagement ring.

Lewis Landerholm  9:34  
Yes, that's a good one.

Steve Altishin  9:36  
It seems to me that if you've got a property division and you go out and buy an engagement ring...

Lewis Landerholm  9:44  
Well, it's the same, yeah, it's the same analysis with again, people, do you know, people could have been separated for a while and they're but don't go on lavish vacations with a new partner. Don't because essentially, if you're taking mayor. Funds, and you're paying for things outside of the marriage, all of that can get pulled back in to a divorce, and so the best thing to do is just to stay as financially responsible during the process, and don't be going and paying money for things like an engagement ring for the new girlfriend or new fiance at that point, like, just wait until the divorce is finalized. Then move forward. Then you can move forward with all of that.

Steve Altishin  10:34  
Yeah, and these are obviously some, I want to say exaggerated but highlighted bad things to do. But it seems to me like they all kind of fit into the "do be a thing" which would be, "be reasonable". I mean, the importance of being reasonable, I think, can't be understated.

Lewis Landerholm  10:59  
Yeah. I mean, that's what we tell people all the time, the more reasonable both sides are. You're going to get a better outcome and you're going to spend way less money, like our you know, divorces are expensive, and so the more reasonable both parties can be. Then, as attorneys, we can work through the legal issues, but it's when we've got unreasonable people on one side or the other that causes us to have to use the courts more frequently, and every time we have to use courts, that's when it gets expensive, when we have to file motions to compel discovery, when we have to file motions to deal with a piece of property or somebody contempt because Somebody's not abiding by a previous order or playing games with, you know, the money and the bank accounts, and it just blows everything up. And took a case that could be pretty normal, cost effective case, and you just tripled, quadrupled the fees associated with it, because there's just that much more work to do. And then, if you're the person you know that's being unreasonable, then your your ex can ask for attorney fees against you, so then you're paying even more on top of that. So I mean, the biggest thing in our line of work is is the more reasonable and the more people can act like adults, the better it's going to be for them in the long run.

Steve Altishin  12:22  
Wow. Well, I guess then the other side of the foot on that is, if that happens, you don't react and do the same thing,

Lewis Landerholm  12:30  
Right. Yeah, that's the hard part. That's the hard part.

Steve Altishin  12:33  
It really is. That's why, you know, that's part of what an attorney does, is not just go to court and do legal stuff. It's to work with that person through these stressful at times. Yeah,

Lewis Landerholm  12:47  
90% of our work is that is trying to help our clients have an outlet so that they don't have to then react to some of these things that there soon to be exes doing. It's the, it's the vast majority of what we you know, what we work with our clients on,

Steve Altishin  13:07  
Oh my gosh. Well, we have come to the end of our time. So Lewis, thank you again for doing this. This is really, really helpful for people to kind of get their questions answered, get their concerns answered. And so thank you for joining us today. 

Lewis Landerholm  13:23  
Yeah, you're welcome. 

Steve Altishin  13:24  
And everyone again, thank you for joining us. Anyone with further questions, please feel free to contact our firm. We can get you connected with an attorney who can help you. And so, stay safe, stay happy and be well.

Outro:
This has been Modern Family Matters, a legal podcast focusing on providing real answers and direction for individuals and families. Our podcast is sponsored by Pacific Cascade Legal, serving families in Oregon and Washington. If you are in need of legal counsel or have additional questions about a family law matter important to you, please visit our websites at pacificcascadelegal.com or pacificcascadefamilylaw.com. You can also call our headquarters at (503) 227-0200 to schedule a case evaluation with one of our seasoned attorneys. Modern Family Matters, advocating for your better tomorrow and offering legal solutions important to the modern family.