Join us as we sit down with Child Behavior Therapist, Laura Reardon Coaching, to discuss how parents can help support their children through changing family dynamics, and how to set them up for success in learning how to manage big emotions. In this interview, Laura discusses the following:
• Why your kids are acting out – it’s not what you may think.
• What are those feelings communicating to you about your unmet needs?
• Why we Ignore unwanted emotions and behaviors.
• The number one predictor of a child’s well-being is a parent’s self-understanding.
• Setting yourself up for success in managing your emotions and behavior.
• A 3-step plan for setting our kids up for success in learning to manage their big emotions.
• …and much more!
If you would like to speak with one of our family law attorneys, please call our office at (503) 227-0200, or visit our website at https://www.pacificcascadelegal.com.
If you're interested in getting in touch with Laura, you can do so by visiting her website: https://laurareardoncoaching.com/
Disclaimer: Nothing in this communication is intended to provide legal advice nor does it constitute a client-attorney relationship, therefore you should not interpret the contents as such.
Join us as we sit down with Child Behavior Therapist, Laura Reardon Coaching, to discuss how parents can help support their children through changing family dynamics, and how to set them up for success in learning how to manage big emotions. In this interview, Laura discusses the following:
• Why your kids are acting out – it’s not what you may think.
• What are those feelings communicating to you about your unmet needs?
• Why we Ignore unwanted emotions and behaviors.
• The number one predictor of a child’s well-being is a parent’s self-understanding.
• Setting yourself up for success in managing your emotions and behavior.
• A 3-step plan for setting our kids up for success in learning to manage their big emotions.
• …and much more!
If you would like to speak with one of our family law attorneys, please call our office at (503) 227-0200, or visit our website at https://www.pacificcascadelegal.com.
If you're interested in getting in touch with Laura, you can do so by visiting her website: https://laurareardoncoaching.com/
Disclaimer: Nothing in this communication is intended to provide legal advice nor does it constitute a client-attorney relationship, therefore you should not interpret the contents as such.
Intro:
Welcome to Modern Family Matters, a podcast devoted to exploring family law topics that matter most to you. Covering a wide range of legal, personal, and family law matters, with expert analysis from skilled attorneys and professional guests, we hope that our podcast provides answers, clarity, and guidance towards a better tomorrow for you and your family. Here's your host, Steve Altishin.
Steve Altishin 0:28
Hi, everyone. I'm Steve Altishin, Director of Client Partnerships here at Pacific Cascade Legal, and today we have Child Behavior Therapist, Laura Reardon, with us to discuss making a behavioral parenting plan to respond to your children's big emotions and challenging behaviors in a way that sets you up for success, and manage your own emotions, and also set your kids up for success in managing theirs. Okay, there's a mouthful. So before we started, Laura, can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your journey and how you came to be where you are now?
Laura Reardon 1:08
Yes, hi Steve. Thank you very much for having me here. And I'd love to start with my story. My inspiration to do the work that I do comes from my personal experience, I have two children, a girl and a boy. They're now both grown, my daughter is a freshman in college, and my son is just graduated from college and living in his first apartment. But in their growing up years, they both had big emotions. And they responded to their big emotions by lashing out or by shutting down. And I tried using traditional parenting tools. But when they didn't work, I'd end up lashing out or shutting down too. And what I wanted to do is learn how to respond to my big emotions and effective ways to create more peace in my home. And I wanted to help my kids learn how to respond to their big emotions in more effective ways as well, so that they would have the skills and the knowledge to create more peace and their future homes. And also what was going on for me at that time is I for many years, was running my own at home daycare and working as a nanny. And so I knew other parents were struggling with managing big emotions and challenging behaviors in their homes as well. And so I wanted to help them too. So I became a certified child behavior specialist, and I trained as an emotion coach, childhood anxiety coach, and a parent coach. And based on that training, I created a plan for how to respond to parenting challenges in a way that set myself up for success in managing my own emotions, and behaviors, and set my kids up for success in managing theirs. And then Laura Reardon coaching was born. And now I help other families do the same.
Steve Altishin 3:07
I love it there. You're perfect for this conversation. Thank you also for coming. Okay, Laura, you know how to respond to your child's big emotions, your challenging behaviors, as as a parent of now, you know, 30 year olds, sometimes I think it's still happening, but it was definitely happening back then. And that's a tough one. That's a hard one do to respond to? You know, and and especially, is because it seems to make no sense why our children are lashing out or shouting or pouting. It makes no sense. Or does it?
Laura Reardon 3:41
Yeah, that's exactly it. It actually does make a lot of sense why our kids are acting the way that they do. It turns out even though in the moment, it for sure doesn't seem like it. But I think a helpful starting place is to talk about, you know, what are emotions? What are the purpose of those big emotions that our kids are feeling, and that, as parents, we're also feeling and the purpose of emotions is to communicate information to us about our met and our unmet needs. And then that gives us the energy to take action to get those needs met. And so, comfortable feelings, give us information that our needs are being met. And uncomfortable feelings give us information that we have needs that are not being met. And, really, it's helpful to understand that with this intention, this purpose of feelings in mind. They're really meant to be temporary. They come to us they send a message, and then they leave. So when we're feeling our big emotions, we can visualize them as almost a wave in the ocean. They'll rise up and then they'll fall away. And, you know, it's helpful to, to remember that sometimes emotions feel good, and sometimes they feel bad. But all emotions are important and safe to feel. And so that is the, that's a little bit about our emotions. Now, a lot of times people will talk about emotions compared to logic, you know, in our culture, we really value logic in many ways above valuing emotions. But what's really interesting is to understand that the purpose of our logic, as it relates to our emotions, is to become curious about, you know, what our emotions communicating to us about our needs, and then, and then to consider the most effective way to respond. And so when we're, when we're focused just on emotions, we can become too chaotic. But when we're focused just on our logic, we can become very rigid. And so it's actually when our emotions and our logic are working together in balance, that we can act as our most effective selves. But responding to our uncomfortable feelings in effective ways can be really challenging to do, as we all know.
Steve Altishin 6:13
I it's it's kind of that, you know, fair flight that we kind of go crazy. So how do kids then respond to their emotions? I mean, what makes what makes the children react? I, I'm kind of assuming it's a little different to kids. But you know, how do we know what the kids are doing and what that response is about?
Laura Reardon 6:37
Yeah, so the reason that it can be challenging to whether it be for our kids or for ourselves. And let's, as you said, let's start by talking about it from the kids perspective, the reason that it can be, you know, challenging, it really is rooted in an understanding of our nervous system, and how it unconsciously can affect our behavior. Our nervous system, in terms of a really basic definition is the communication between our brain and our body. And so when we're experiencing those uncomfortable feelings, our nervous system perceives, or excuse me, when we're perceiving comfortable feelings, our nervous system perceives safety. And we are in a state of what's called regulation, meaning we're calm, flexible, open to listening, learning and problem solving, it's when we're able to act as our best selves. But when we're experiencing those uncomfortable feelings, such as anger or fear, our nervous system perceives that as a threat and unconsciously activates our fight flight or freeze response. And the purpose of this is to prepare our body to defend itself. And so when our body undergoes physiological changes, to prepare us to lash out or shut down, to protect ourselves from danger, to defend ourselves. And so for our ancestors, this was, you know, a critical response that kept them alive during a time when the physical threats were, you know, significant. And today, you know, this threat response continues to activate for us in life threatening situations. But our fight flight or freeze response can also activate for us in non life threatening situations. So, for example, when we're experiencing big feelings, such as anger or fear, our fight flight or freeze response will also activate. So for example, when our child is expecting the Blue cup, and they get the green cup, or when our older child, you don't want to be tell them, It's time to shut off their video game, and go do their homework, this can really trigger some big emotions in them. And then they can get unconsciously triggered into the fight flight or freeze response. And their behavior and their automatic and unconscious reaction is to lash out or to shut down. So in our kids, that can look like you know, yelling, hitting, kicking, being mean or disrespectful with their words. And, you know, for our kids that shut down, it can look like withdrawing physically or withdrawing emotionally, you know, just kind of shutting down and not being responsive. And so this is what it can look like in our kids. And added to that, it's important to understand that the thinking part of their brain, which is called the prefrontal cortex, and this is the part of their brain that one day will help them to recognize they're not actually in danger, and to pause and respond in more effective ways, is not fully developed until their mid 20s. And so as hard as it is for us as adults to manage our own emotions and behavior, it's way harder for our kids.
Steve Altishin 9:57
Yeah, that makes total sense. I mean, just having learned And yet the proper response. So, you know, we're the parents, we add that stuff to, and probably still have it in us. But I mean, have we learned better? I mean, it doesn't make sense for us to lash out back to them again, again, no, or does it make sense?
Laura Reardon 10:18
Yeah, it also makes a lot of sense that we as parents lash out and shut down too, because even though we do have fully developed brains, most of us were never taught how to manage our emotions or our behavior effectively. And so when our kids screaming or hitting, being mean, with their words running away, or withdrawing emotionally from us, we think they should know better or do better, we think they're mean, or they're selfish, we think they're purposely acting that way, so they can get what they want. In other words, we think that they should be able to control their emotions and their behavior. And so what happens when we have those thoughts is that that triggers strong emotions in us, like anger, or worry. And so these emotions can trigger our threat response and our automatic and instinctive reaction to lash out or shut down. And so far as parents that looks like, you know, yelling, threatening, blaming, shaming, lecturing, or sometimes as parents, we too, will, will learn our instinctual reaction will be to withdraw physically or emotionally. And added to that, as parents, oftentimes, our coordinates for things like sleep, food, hydration, movement, connection, go unmet, because it's really challenging to do at all. And yet, when we, when our core needs go unmet, we experience uncomfortable feelings associated with that. And that adds just another layer, which can make it so that we get triggered into fight flight or freeze much more easily. Right. And so that's, that's a challenge for us as parents.
Steve Altishin 12:07
It's funny, as a family law firm. And we obviously do a lot of divorces, and custody and parenting time issues. And one of the big things that happened is we talk about is, is how the other parent triggers us. And, and how don't you react and, and, and sort of trying to help the parent react to the being triggered by the other parent, which is why I love this one so much, because we don't really think about that same sort of trigger issue when it comes to kids. And, you know, we really don't know what to do about it. So what can we do about that?
Laura Reardon 12:54
Yeah, I think it makes such a good point that the skills of learning to manage our emotions and behaviors affect all of our relationships. And that's part of why I felt as a parent, so passionate about both learning this skill myself, but also so that I could share that with my kids. Because I understood that in that moment, my passion was to create more peace in my own home. But I was also very cognizant of wanting to raise my kids with the skills to, you know, have the skills to have successful relationships as adults, with their partners, with their work relationships, and with their children, you know, if they choose to have children, and so what I can start with that I think is helpful is what does not work and what does not work. And what I want to talk about is actually a lot of the traditional parenting tools that I learned when my kids were younger, and that I tried and that I didn't have success with. And now I understand why I didn't have success with them. So a big one is, you know, consequences or punishments. Sometimes today, we'll use the words consequence. And when we're talking about natural consequences, that's very different than other consequences. For example, a natural consequence would be if your child refuse to wear a jacket on a cold day, and the natural consequence of not wearing the jacket would be they experienced feeling cold. And so next day, maybe they would choose to wear the jacket. But a lot of times these days, when we use the word consequences, we're there it's really a word that's, you know, synonymous with a punishment. If you don't, you know, do this, then you're going to lose that or this is going to happen. And so when we talk about consequences and punishments, or lecturing, shaming, the reason that those tools are ineffective is because they can elicit those big emotions, those big reactions in our kids, and it only really serves to escalate their threat response and escalate the storm.
Steve Altishin 14:53
Just makes the matters worse.
Laura Reardon 14:54
Yes, exactly. It just makes the matters worse. And another piece of advice that I know So a lot of us here is to ignore unwanted behaviors, and ignore those big emotions. And, you know, we're told that that may be effective in, you know, making them go away. But what's interesting is that the reason that that response is ineffective as well is because that as mammals, it's actually our instinct to be close with a trusted adult, when we feel scared. And so what happens is when we ignore our kid, or send them to their room, you know, go to your room until you can be calm, and then you can come back out, what happens is we're sending the message, I'm here for you when you're doing well, but I'm not here for you when you're struggling. And that can cause our child to feel unsafe. And again, that only serves to escalate their threat response. And the last one I'll mention is rewards. And that's an interesting one, because actually, rewards can be really effective. But what happens is that reward needs to keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger. Until one day, they no longer have power over our kid. And so although it can be an effective short term strategy, it's not an effective long term strategy.
Steve Altishin 16:16
Yeah, I get that. I don't get that. Look, all those things that don't help her are exactly I mean, I mean, spot on. And which course leads to the obvious question, you know, what does help and I know you have a plan for that?
Laura Reardon 16:32
Yeah. So that's, that's pretty, pretty much what I created is I created a three step plan for, you know, how to set ourselves as parents up for success and managing our own emotions and responding to them in effective ways. And then also a three step plan to set our kids up for success in the same. So yeah, I would love to, you know, share with your listeners some of the steps for the plan of how to set ourselves as parents up for success if if that would be helpful.
Steve Altishin 17:00
Oh, I would love that. Before we start that you said, manage your emotions and behavior. I think we talked a little bit on what that actually means, kind of what it means to manage your emotions and behavior. I mean, what is what is that kind of?
Laura Reardon 17:16
Yeah. The way I define that is, when I say managing emotions and behavior, what I mean is the ability to have an awareness of our own feelings and our needs, and then the ability to respond to them in effective ways, rather than automatically and unconsciously reacting to them in instinctual ways.
Steve Altishin 17:39
Yep, yep. So three steps, before getting to each one, just what are the three steps.
Laura Reardon 17:39
So the three steps are environment, we can set our environment, we can create an environment that supports our well being. And that sets us up for success, I have also created a tool called the ABCs. For keeping calm, this is a tool that we can use in the moment when we're feeling triggered, to help regulate to help us basically return to a state of regulation, because again, when we're in that state of regulation, that's when we just sort of are able to act as our best selves. And you know, just kind of naturally elicits that those reactions. And then step three is to reflect.
Steve Altishin 18:23
God I like that. It's it's like planning, doing, and then review. So let's start with step one environment.
Laura Reardon 18:32
Yeah, so step one, is creating an environment that supports our well being. And the reason we want to do that is because when our core needs are met, and we talked about those a little bit, you know, a moment to go, we are, we're basically better able to stay regulated in the face of our kids dysregulation. And so, some examples of our core needs include, you know, I mentioned a few of these a moment ago, sleep, nutrition, hydration, movement connection. Now, a lot of times parents will feel a little over connected, as it relates to their relationships with their children. But when I talk about connection, I'm talking about connection with other adults and adult relationships, relationships in with you in which you feel known and accepted, and relationships in which you can have fun and laugh. And then the last one I'd mentioned in terms of a coordinate would be downtime. That's really important for us to have time just to you know, be free of stimulation. That's probably one of those important things that as parents that we need, and it's really challenging to get that time.
Steve Altishin 19:47
Yeah, it feels like you know, what athletes get ready for a game, you know, in order to be able to play the game the best. These are kind of the things they need to make sure they're I mean, they're you got to be your your best condition. You learn? And that's, I mean, it sounds just, it sounds like, oh, sure, I understand that. But it really is huge.
Laura Reardon 20:08
Yeah, and parents can feel really overwhelmed by this, because, you know, parenting is a 24/7 job. And there's most parents feel like there's more to do in a day than there's time to do it. And so I am very compassionate with that reality. And so a suggestion that I often make to parents is to consider, you know, making a list making a list of what are those things in our day, that are on the list of meat, you know, on the list of supporting our well being, and what are those things in a day that deplete our well being, and consider doing a switch, you know, so one example that I'll use for myself, my daily goal for myself is meditation. Meditation is something that I find to be really helpful in helping me stay regulated and lowers my reactivity. And, you know, meditation is not for everyone. And there's lots of other things that, you know, parents can consider that are very helpful as well, you know, journaling, or doing something that gets you in flow, meaning an activity that you do in your life where you lose track of time, self compassion, journaling, you know, there's, there's, there's an endless list of really activities that, you know, fill us up. And so I know, as I said, for me, it's meditation. And so every day, my goal is 10 minutes of meditation, you know, a realistic goal. And yet, every day would end and I'd say, Oh, I didn't get to that 10 minutes of meditation, and I would find that I would be reactive, like, I would only do the meditation, when I got to that point in which I was getting reactive. And so it was more like reactionary doing meditation. Whereas I knew it would really benefit me in a proactive way to do a daily 10 minute meditation. And so what I chose to do what I identified for myself as something that was depleting my well being, was that time in the morning, when I would wake up, and I would just like endlessly scroll through social media, and go from the, you know, Facebook, to the Instagram to the, you know, email. I mean, we all have to check our email, of course, but still, it was just sort of like this time where I was just like, it was really not serving any useful purpose for me. So what I decided is to replace that time with my meditation. And so now I begin every day, with just going straight to that meditation. And for me, I found that to be a realistic way of adding something to my day that supports my well being, you know, without adding one more thing to my day.
Steve Altishin 22:55
Oh, yeah, I mean, the whole, like, getting on social media, it kind of feels like that depletes your energy rather than adds to it?
Laura Reardon 23:04
Yeah, I mean, it can really, you know, in short doses, I guess you could consider it, you know, fairly innocent. And in large doses, it can really, yeah, it can really have a negative impact on our well being. And so but but even in that even in small doses, you know, you can just consider, well, how could I use my time more effectively in ways that would benefit me throughout the rest of the day?
Steve Altishin 23:28
Yeah, absolutely. So the ABCs, I'm looking forward to this, what are the ABCs to get yourself going?
Laura Reardon 23:37
Yeah, step two, ABCs. For keeping calm. This is like an, this is an in the moment tool when we're feeling triggered ABCs, because that's going to be quick and simple for us to remember, A stands for awareness. So what we want to do is get in the habit of practicing noticing that moment before we lash out or shut down. And the way that we can do that is by paying attention to our thoughts, feelings, and body sensations as a clue. And a helpful sort of thing to be aware of that I didn't realize before is that our feelings actually originate as body sensations before they traveled to our brain, you know, where we can identify words to just describe how we're feeling. And so learning to recognize how our emotions feel in our body provides us with a great source of information. So that can be something that you know, throughout the day, when we have that moment, we just need to look up from the computer and take a break or we're in the car waiting for our kids to come out. We can just get in the habit of having those mindful moments where we check in with our body, you know, how are we feeling in our body? And as we practice tuning into the sensations in our body, it helps us get better at noticing, you know, What are the sensations we are experiencing in our body that moment before we lash out or shut down. So it's a practice. And it's something that takes time. But it's so important because without awareness, we don't have a choice. We don't even know what's happening. So we don't have the opportunity to consider a different response. And so, awareness is always the first and most important step.
Steve Altishin 25:26
Yeah, but what's the next what's b.
Laura Reardon 25:28
So B is for breathe. In that moment, when we have that awareness, we can take that moment, we can take that deep breath in through our nose and out through our mouth, letting our exhale be longer than our inhale. Because when we deep breeze, that can help us tolerate our uncomfortable feelings, or uncomfortable thoughts, or uncomfortable body sensations, rather than getting caught up and automatically lashing out or shutting down and reaction to them. And so for me, breathing is something that works for me. But breathing does not work for everybody. So if breathing isn't your thing, we can just think of B as being symbolic. Or we can think of breathe as being symbolic of what does work for you. And that moment, and that it's so individual, and everybody knows themselves and kind of what works for them in that moment. But I mean, a few other miscellaneous ideas include, you know, we can, for some people movement is really helpful. And so it could be, you know, I work with parents who have come up with so many, you know, great and unique ideas that just work for them. You know, for some parents, it's a quick yoga pose. For other parents, they'll do like five quick jumping jacks, or you can, you know, just kind of like, you know, press on the wall and kind of feel that pressure of your hands against the wall or your feet on the floor, splashing cold water on your face. Maybe changing location is really helpful. For some people, it could be, again, depending on the age of your kids, and just of course, ensuring safety first, it can be, you know, you could step into the bathroom for a quick break, you could step outside that can be really helpful to go outside. So there's lots of ways to personalize this to what works for you. But it's just, again, doing that thing that helps us calm our body in the moment, and allows us to be with that uncomfortable feeling as opposed to getting caught up in our automatic reaction to that uncomfortable feeling.
Steve Altishin 27:34
Yep, yep. And see, oh, don't be afraid to be uncomfortable sometimes.
Laura Reardon 27:39
Yeah, yeah. Get get comfortable being uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah. So see, ya. So see is curious, we can become curious about the strong feelings and unmet needs, driving our kids behavior. Because what happens is when we can connect with the feelings and the unmet needs driving their behavior, we can transform from feeling threatened to feeling compassion, and then our wall of defense comes down. And, you know, we can we can return to that state of regulation in which we can respond is our next best selves and identify the most effective way to respond. So some questions we might want to ask ourselves in that moment, include, you know, does my kid feel scared? Does my kid feel worried or frustrated or lonely or powerless, misunderstood, overwhelmed, you know, we can consider what what might be happening in that moment and what our kids might be experiencing? Or maybe they're reacting to our reactive parenting, and that's causing them to feel unsafe, maybe they need some something to eat, or a break some downtime, maybe they need to get to bed or just, um, you know what maybe they need, maybe they need to learn a more effective way of getting their needs met in that moment, maybe they need connection. Maybe they need more time for their brain to develop, you know, so when we get in the mode of thinking, becoming curious, again, thinking about it from the perspective of becoming curious, you know, what's what's, you know, recognizing, okay, now that we're looking at behavior through the lens of neuroscience, and through the lens of how our nervous system can unconsciously impact our behavior, we know when we when we change our focus and look at it from that perspective, it can really change how we feel and when we change how we feel we can change how we act.
Steve Altishin 29:45
That just kind of makes me think, you know, you hear a lot of people say, you know, you need to be a friend, you know, not a parent or you need Did you know, parents are always kind of wondering, should I be more of a friend or more of a parent? This still keeps you more parent focused, I'm thinking?
Laura Reardon 30:10
Yeah, I think in some ways, it's a beautiful combination of both. Because I think that what our kids need from us, is, they certainly want us to be the leader, you know, no, eight year old wants to feel like they're in charge that that feels unsafe, and that's going to, you know, trigger their reactivity. But what they do want is for, I think, I think what we all want is to feel seen, understood, and accepted. And so, when we can look at them in a moment, when they're really struggling, and we can see, they're not a bad kid, they're a kid who is unconsciously reacting to a threat response that that's, you know, rooted in the way our, our bodies evolved to keep ourselves alive, they can a Help help to change our perspective, so that we can feel, again, more compassion and less blame full, but also imagine how that makes our kid feel. You know, I think I sometimes I use the example of as an adult, I imagine if we came home from a long day, you know, let's say, we got very little sleep the night before. We skipped lunch, we, you know, we didn't get in our daily walk. And the clients were really challenging that day, you know, we walk in the door. And so we're going to arrive probably as our worst selves, because we arrive home. And you know, just as our kids will sometimes let out their worst selves when they feel safe at home, sometimes as parents, we can do that as well. So imagine if you know, we get home, we're acting as our worst selves to our to our partner, and they would have every, it would be very reasonable for our partner to respond to us by setting limits by you know, getting upset with us. And yet, imagine if they had the perspective to look at us and understand the reason behind our behavior. Imagine if they looked at us with compassion in their eyes and said, How can I help you right now? Imagine how that would feel right? And, yeah, yeah. And our kids feel the same way. So I think that that's, you know, truly what they need and want.
Steve Altishin 32:34
So what are you doing the last one reflect? And that kind of feeds into that? And feels like, yes,
Laura Reardon 32:40
yes, you know, inevitably, we're going to lose it sometimes. And, and when we do, we can apologize. And when we apologize, it's really important to understand that what is a true apology, and a true apology is when we say something, like, you know, obviously use your own words and reflect your own situation. But something like I didn't handle that the way I would have liked to, I'm sorry, can we try again, is an apology, what's not an apology is when, when we say, you know, I wouldn't have yelled if you didn't yell, or I'm sorry, you feel that way. You know, these are ways that sometimes we apologize that don't feel like a true apology. But when we, when we apologize in, in, in, in a way that feels like a true apology to the other person, we restore that safety and that connection in our relationship. And what we also do is we role model taking responsibility for our behavior, we role model, compassion by offering compassion for ourselves. And we role model a growth mindset by communicating the message that, you know, mistakes are an opportunity to learn and grow, you know, we can say, this is something that I'm learning and getting better at, and I'm going to keep trying. And so apologies are really powerful. And, you know, again, when I say compassion, it's just so important for us to have compassion for ourselves, when we lose it in the same way. We want to have compassion for our kids, when they lose that, you know, we can understand it makes a lot of sense that we lost it. Yeah. And that's okay.
Steve Altishin 34:20
That's okay. I agree. Yeah, gosh, we're getting to the end. Before we conclude is there is a kind of a final thought you'd like to give, especially on kind of going through this, and how, you know, people can get a hold of you because obviously, you can help them through this.
Laura Reardon 34:39
Yeah, I mean, I think a final thought I would say is just, you know, kind of taking what I was just saying to another step. I know something that I've learned as a parent. That was hard for me, it's hard, really hard for me to learn but I've truly embraced it. Is that as parents, we're going to get it wrong a lot of the times and that was really hard for me because I cared so much about parenting and I wanted to do, I want to, I wanted to do the best for my kids. And so it was hard for me when I would get it wrong. And what I've learned is, is that I've embraced the mentality of, we need to get it wrong, so that we can learn what we need to learn, and then get on the path towards getting it right at some point in the future. So in terms of compassion for ourselves, you know, I think that that's just so important. And I think that's really the most important thing is to, it's really all about, I mean, really, everything we're talking about today is about compassion, having compassion for ourselves, and having compassion for our kids. And I just think that that is the foundation of any successful relationship over your relationship with yourself and your relationship with others. And yeah, in terms of anybody who would like support, I can be found at Laura Riordan. coaching.com. That's la ura, r e a, r d o n. And what I specialize in, is working with parents and creating personalized parenting plans, which is a plan for responding to your biggest parenting challenge in a way that sets you up for success and managing your emotions and behaviors and sets your kids up and doing the same. And in a way that's very customized to your individual challenge your the challenges and needs of your family and the temperaments. So it's it's really customized work, which managing your emotions and behavior really is very, very personal work. And so I find that when we take what we read in books, or learn on podcasts, or learning classes, and it's when we take that information, and we customize it to our individual situation, that's when we get really effective at turning, learning into action. That creates a positive change that that we want to create. Oh, I
Steve Altishin 37:01
love it. Yeah, it's the precision of picking, like you said, the ideas and making it for your, your situation. Everyone has different emotions, everyone has a different situation. And so I love that. So Laura, thank you so much for sitting down and talking with us today is these really important issues you can you actually make them understandable? And like enforceable. How do you do that? How do we use them? So thank you very much for being here today.
Laura Reardon 37:30
Thank you for having me. It was my pleasure.
Steve Altishin 37:33
Oh, my pleasure. And thank everyone else for joining us today. Anyone who has questions on today's topic, you can post it here. We can get you connected with Laura or She gave you her information go straight to her until next time. Stay safe, stay happy and be well.
Outro:
This has been Modern Family Matters, a legal podcast focusing on providing real answers and direction for individuals and families. Our podcast is sponsored by Landerholm Family Law and Pacific Cascade Family Law, serving families in Oregon and Washington. If you are in need of legal counsel or have additional questions about a family law matter important to you, please visit our websites at landerholmlaw.com or pacificcascadefamilylaw.com. You can also call our headquarters at (503) 227-0200 to schedule a case evaluation with one of our seasoned attorneys. Modern Family Matters, advocating for your better tomorrow and offering legal solutions important to the modern family.